


Love is the Color of a Sun Rising

by jibberjabber13



Series: A Rose by Any Other Name [6]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Marriage, Mental Health Issues, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 16:17:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20491664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jibberjabber13/pseuds/jibberjabber13
Summary: Shane wakes up and looks back on ten years with the farmer by his side.





	Love is the Color of a Sun Rising

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! It's been a minute since I've written anything for this series, but recently I had this idea for an epilogue of sorts and retrospective piece with Shane post-recovery. This can be read as an add-on to the previous stories, but you can also just jump right in if you only want to read this piece. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading :)

**SPRING**

Saggy was the word that came to Shane’s mind when he looked in the mirror these days. The skin on his face drooped more than it used to, and his midsection grew softer with each passing year. Creases marked his face in places they had never been before. There had been a downtrodden look in his eyes for a number of years now, ever since his sad arrival in Pelican Town, but it somehow seemed more pronounced with age. 

“Blech,” he said as he touched his cheek and leaned closer to the bathroom mirror. “When did I get so…round?”

The farmer came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pausing to poke at the soft flesh of his belly. “You’ve always been a little soft here, Shane,” she said, her tone teasing but not unkind. “But I don’t mind.”

“Thanks, Rose,” he said with just an edge of sarcasm. He brought his hands to rest over hers. “Good morning to you, too.”

In the reflection, he could see the soft lines of her face, gentle wrinkles that had slowly appeared over their decade together. Her hair, frizzy and yet to be put in its usual tight braid, tumbled down her back. 

She approached his side, sly smile on her face as she cupped his cheek in her hand. Rose turned his face so they were looking directly at one another before pressing a kiss to his lips. “You know what day it is, right?” she said. While her voice was still as gentle and quiet as it had ever been, it was more sure of itself, like a boulder standing strong in a stream of rapid water.

“Ten years,” he said.

“Ten years,” Rose echoed and stepped into the hallway.

He followed her to the kitchen, where she’d been preparing a batch of coffee, then pulled a bottle of sparkling water out of the fridge. The bottle hissed as he opened it and took a sip. He had grown so used to the taste over the years that he’d nearly forgotten what it felt like when the sparkling water wasn’t enough for him—at least, until a stint in rehab and years of counseling changed his mindset.

“I’m really proud of you.” She came over and gave him a tight hug.

When she finally let go, sending him to go take care of the animals, he smiled all the way out to the chicken coop.

* * *

Shane sighed and smoothed his hands over the suit jacket. It was a hand-me-down from one of Marnie’s cousins and it didn’t exactly fit his shoulders, but Rose seemed to think he looked nice in it. She smiled at him as he walked out of the bedroom. 

He linked his arm with hers as they left the house and took the road towards Marnie’s ranch. “Boy am I glad I married you so I don’t have to wear that goddamn baby blue suit anymore,” he joked. 

“And here I thought you were just marrying me for my money,” she said.

Shane laughed. Over the years, Rose’s subtle sense of humor had made itself more apparent, and he loved that she felt comfortable enough with him to crack jokes; she was undoubtedly a happier person than when he first met her.

Rose wore a short, flowing blue dress and atop her head was her favorite flower crown, the one she wore every year for the dance. A few gray strands had begun to show in her waves, a reminder that they’d both gotten older; he still thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever known.

“You look nice today,” Shane said. He swallowed. “Not that you don’t look nice every day, but it’s just, you know…” 

“I understand,” Rose said with a small laugh. A faint blush covered her cheeks. “Thank you.”

As they walked, flower petals rained softly from the trees and swirled around in delicate circles. The valley had the good fortune of always having beautiful weather during the Flower Dance. Although he usually hated attending the dance, he had to admit there was a certain magic in the air the day of the festival.

When they reached Marnie’s ranch, Shane led Rose inside without knocking. Marnie stood at the kitchen counter, cleaning dishes leftover from breakfast. As soon she heard the front door, Marnie beamed, washed her hands and forearms of dish soap, and went over to give them both giant hugs.

“Oh, you look so handsome, Shane,” she said as she squeezed him tight. “That suit really does look nice on you.”

“It doesn’t really fit,” Shane mumbled as he rolled his eyes up towards the ceiling. But as he pulled away, he gave his aunt a smile.

The door to the left opened with a creak as his goddaughter stepped into the kitchen. She wore the traditional frilly white dress of the Flower Dance paired with black combat boots, her hair shorn into a pixie cut and three piercings in her left ear. 

“Rose, Uncle Shane!” Jas greeted with a jovial wave. “It’s so good to see you guys.”

Shane’s eyes just about popped out of his head. “Jas, what in the hell did you do to your hair?”

Jas rolled her eyes. “It’s just hair, Uncle Shane,” she said. “It’ll grow back.”

Rose placed a hand on his arm. “How’s Zuzu State, Jas?” she asked.

“Oh, I absolutely love it so far.”

As Jas launched into stories about her first season at college, Marnie ushered all of them out the door (“We don’t want to be late,” she insisted. “I heard this year’s going to be a good one.”). Rose listened attentively, asking Jas questions at all the right moments, while Shane grumbled about her hair some more.

That year, Cindersap Forest was as beautiful as ever. Wildflowers dotted the grass in clusters of vibrant blues and pinks and purples, and the sky had not even a single cloud. Lewis hung streamers from the trees. Robin had even worked with Leah to put some of their carpentry and woodworkings on display, with pieces shaped into birds and other various animals.

Townspeople milled around the punch and buffet table, waiting for the dance to officially begin. Shane immediately reached for the chips and spicy salsa, as he did every Flower Dance. Across the table from him was Alex, who stood next to his boyfriend Mark, a bartender from Zuzu City. Alex had gone pro back in his prime and met Mark while working for the Tunnelers.

Alex jerked his head at Shane in greeting. “Hey, man,” he said. “You catch the Tunnelers game last night?”

Shane nodded. “Yeah, pretty good. Didn’t expect them to pull through like that.”

As Shane chatted with Alex, Rose had started a conversation with Leah. Although making small talk about things like sports and town events wasn’t Shane’s favorite activity—nor was it Rose’s—both of them had gotten better at it over their time in the valley. Now, it was less of a chore to go to the festivals and more like a mild inconvenience. 

Once Alex walked away, Shane felt a smack on his shoulder, causing him to choke a little on the chip he’d been eating. “Ow, what the fuck?”

He turned around to see Emily standing with her hands on her hips. She’d abandoned her wife Sandy, who stood in the middle of the field, her shocking pink hair contrasting with the green around her. “Shaaaaane,” Emily said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Shane gave her the side-eye. “What in the hell are you talking about?”

“That this was the place. The Flower Dance.” Emily lowered her voice to a whisper. “Where you proposed to Rose. Your aunt told me.”

A bright red flush crept over Shane’s cheeks. “That was like years ago, Emily. And that was a private moment between the two of us.”

“But like, I can’t believe you snuck away and did the whole thing all private-like,” Emily huffed. “I mean, I practically pushed the two of you together, and all I got was you telling me you were engaged about three weeks later.”

“I invited you to the wedding.”

“Everyone in town went to your wedding!”

Shane took a bite of the chip he still had in his hands, its crunch serving as a reply.

At the hurt look on Emily’s face, Shane softened and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Emily.” He looked away, then back at her. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m glad you’re my friend and have been for all these years.”

He had never forgotten the kindness Emily showed him, even back when he was a complete dick instead of half a dick. She’d even tried to save him a few times at the saloon, cutting him off after he was gone beyond all comprehension or watering down his drinks. Though he often pretended otherwise, he needed the people in his life to keep him good.

Music started to play out in the field, and Emily gave him a hug before going to join Sandy. Rose sidled up beside Shane and squeezed his hand, their unspoken signal, and he led her away from the crowd and into the forest where they wouldn’t be found, past the docks and into the Secret Forest.

Wind whistled through the tall trees of the woods, a peaceful melody that instantly calmed both of them. Next to him, Rose’s shoulders relaxed and her eyes grew gentle and contemplative as she looked at him. Even though she didn’t speak, he knew she was thinking about that day so many years ago, when he’d pulled out that beautiful blue shell and asked her to marry him.

He hadn’t even really planned it, the way it happened. For five seasons he’d waffled around, waiting for the perfect time to propose, the mermaid pendant like a weight in his pocket. Somehow he let his nerves take over every time he thought about doing it.

But the day he proposed, as they danced together in the forest and swayed gently to the sound of a silent music, she caught his eye and smiled, those two dimples dotting her cheeks, and he knew that was it. He backed away from her and ignored her furrowed brow as he got down on one knee and offered the pendant to her. The blue shell dangled from its string like a promise: I’m here. I’ll always be here. 

“Shane, I…” she’d said, holding a hand to her mouth. Her eyes misted over. “I love you.”

When she took the pendant from his grasp, it was the beginning of a new hope for him.

Now, in the present moment, she took his hand and asked quietly if he wanted to dance. He nodded, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and together they spun in soft circles. In the quiet of the forest, they were in the center of their own little world, just as he thought they should always be.

* * *

**SUMMER**

As far as Shane was concerned, the only good thing about Summer was the hot peppers. Rose grew the peppers in small patches across her farm, and he loved to sneak one or two from each harvest and pop them in his mouth when she wasn’t looking. Of course, they also made him feel like he was burning to a crisp in the summer heat, but at least they were tasty.

One midsummer morning, Rose caught him swiping one of the peppers and swatted his hand away. “What are you doing?” she said with a frown. “I need those for the harvest.”

Shane looked at her with the saddest eyes he could muster. “You won’t even spare one for your wonderful, beloved husband?”

Her straight face began to crack, lips quirking upwards into a half-smile. “If I didn’t know you so well, I wouldn’t believe you were close to forty.”

He laughed, then went back to watering the crops as she’d asked him to do.

It was hard for Shane to remember there was a time in his life when he couldn’t even find joy in moments like that. That there was a time when he would have been fine with rolling off a cliff and falling to his own death. The memory of the night he tried to commit suicide always came to him in bits and pieces: lightning cutting through sheets of rain, cans of beer crumpled on the grass, blurry vision, a blank mind. Then Rose. The hospital. Waking up to Marnie and Jas in the waiting room of Dr. Harvey’s clinic, worried sick about him. 

Rose touched his shoulder. “You alright?” Every single time, she somehow knew exactly when to bring him back.

He shook his head. “Yeah…yeah, I’m fine,” he said and resumed his inspection of a blueberry crop. A crooked smile crossed his lips, and he glanced over at Rose, who had moved further down the row. “Do you remember our wedding day?” 

Rose flushed bright red, gripping her watering can tighter. “Um, yes.”

“No, not that part,” he said with a snort. “The actual wedding.”

She lowered her can, smiling. “Of course.”

Shane had married Rose in the early summer at sunset, the colors of the valley at its warmest and brightest with pink streaks covering the town and softening its edges. The entire town had gathered in the main square to watch their union, but as Rose stepped towards him in that white dress, complete with a veil attached to a ring of flowers, he didn’t see anyone else. Her steps carved a path of light down the aisle.

“I would follow you anywhere,” he’d said in his vows, “you’re home to me.”

It had never stopped being true.

* * *

**FALL**

The gray clouds paired with a light and steady drizzle seemed fitting for the day as Shane pulled his sputtering truck into an empty parking spot in the cemetery. Rose’s father was buried in a grave on the edge of Zuzu City, and every other Sunday, she went to visit him. Shane often went with her.

Before they bought the truck, Shane and Rose would travel to the city by bus. They would stare out the window as Pam careened down the highway at speeds that sometimes made him fear for his own life. Rose, on the other hand, was always stoic, lips pressed in a tight line, as she gripped his hand with both of hers.

Today was no different—Rose didn’t say much on the drive down to the city. Once they arrived at the cemetery, she stepped out of the car and made her way through the winding paths lined with leaves that had fallen from the trees. The oranges and reds of the Fall foliage broke through the gray haze of the rain. Shane followed closely behind her.

She stopped in front of a grave. ‘James Adam Fletcher. Son, Father, Husband.’ The cynical part of Shane found it demeaning to diminish someone’s life down to three words on a headstone, but Rose had never seemed to mind the inscription. She placed the bouquet of flowers delicately on the ground, then sat cross-legged in front of the headstone while Shane took his place next to her.

“You know, my dad used to hate visiting my grandfather’s grave,” Rose said. “He didn’t like mourning. Always thought his father would prefer him to stay present in his own life.”

Even though he’d known Rose for so many years, he still felt like he learned new things about her and her family on those cemetery trips. Her relationship with them was something she kept close to her heart.

He placed a hand over hers, which was settled on her knee. “And did he?” he said. “Stay present, I mean.”

Rose grew quiet. “Not always.” She stared off into the distance to where the trees met the fog, a faraway look in her eyes. “Definitely not during the hospital days.”

“I’m still here,” Shane murmured, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know,” Rose said and dropped her head to his shoulder so that her face was buried in his neck. “I know.”

She whispered those two words again and again until silent tears stopped streaming down her cheeks. They left the cemetery just as a storm was approaching, ready to return to the warmth of the farmhouse.

* * *

**WINTER**

Some mornings, Shane felt pressure around his chest when he woke up, like something was squeezing and forcing the air out of his lungs. This was usually right before the darker thoughts hit him, when he would start to think maybe his existence was nothing more than a bag of chicken feed floating in the wind.

The man of ten years ago would have really believed those thoughts. But the man he was today told them to shut the fuck up because someone had to put the Winter Star lights on the farmhouse—especially since there were only two days before the holiday, and they’d already agreed to host Rose’s mom for the evening.

Beside him, Rose slept peacefully, her side rising and falling in time with her deep breaths. He rolled over and got out of bed, careful not to hit any of the floorboards that creaked. As he shrugged on his Joja hoodie and stepped onto the front porch, Shane noted how much warmer it was than it had been just a couple weeks ago, Spring beginning to edge its way into Winter. He zipped up his jacket, staring up into a sky that was still dark.

In the shed next to the farmhouse sat a pile of cardboard boxes dedicated to holding the little holiday decorations they had. The boxes were stacked on top of one another on the far back wall, jammed between an old tractor and a hay bale with cobwebs on it. He never liked going into the shed. It brought back a memory from long ago, several years after he’d cleaned up and gotten sober. Rose found him crouched in the corner, clutching an open bottle of vodka he hadn’t taken a sip of yet.

“Shane,” she’d said, her voice quiet, shaky. “What are you doing?”

He rubbed his free hand over his eyes. “The fuck do you think I’m doing?” His speech was slurred even though he wasn’t drunk. The bottle shook in his hands.

Rose walked over to him, bent down so they were eye level. In one, slow movement, she reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Please…don’t do this."

“I’m never going to escape, Rose, you know?” I’m just…I’m stuck in this hell forever.” Tears rolled down his cheeks, unbidden and uncontrollable. The heaviness of winter weighed on him, bringing with it all the old feelings of grief and loss and the unbearable pain of living in a world that sometimes seemed like nothing to him.

“You’re stronger than this.” Rose looked him in the eyes, blue searching green. “I know you are.” She moved to take the bottle from him, and he didn’t stop her.

As she pulled him into a hug, she repeated her words over and over again—“You’re stronger than this”—until he started to believe it again. His teardrops soaked through the sleeve of her shirt. 

That night, he followed her back into bed and went to sleep with her beside him. He let her guide him back into the light.

He never knew quite how to repay Rose for everything she’d done for him. In an ideal world, he would move mountains for her and give her anything she wanted. But he couldn’t, so he settled for doing things like putting up the Winter Star lights. 

Once he moved the boxes from the shed to the porch, he went back and retrieved a short ladder, thanking Yoba that the farmhouse was only one story. He leaned the ladder against the side of the house, testing its stability a few times, before pulling out a cluster of lights. Their wires were tangled together in one big clump, so he settled for starting with a small string and taking the knots apart as he went along.

This plan was more complicated than he’d initially thought, and he swore as the lights refused to stay up on the edge of the roof or wouldn’t come undone from their tangled mess. He ripped at one particularly stubborn knot and lost his balance, foot wobbling over the side of the ladder. Then he fell onto the porch with a loud thump.

He groaned as he felt the beginnings of a bruise on his back, and his body ached as he tried to move. The farmhouse door opened then slammed shut. Rose hovered over him.

“Hey,” she said, a teasing lilt to her voice. “I think the bed’s a lot more comfortable than the porch.” The corners of her lips turned upward as she looked at him with shining eyes.

Shane groaned. She smiled gently and reached a hand out to help him up. 

After he was back on his feet, Shane held out the remainder of the Winter Star lights, which were now entangled with one another even more. “I was just trying to be helpful, but I think I might have made a bigger mess of things.” He glanced at the lights he’d managed to hang. “Although at least half of our house will be lit up.”

Rose chuckled and shook her head. “You may be an idiot sometimes, but at least you’re my idiot.”

Shane gave her a crooked smile. “I’m okay with that.”

“Hey, look,” she said, tapping him on the arm. “The sun’s coming up.” 

Over a distant hill, the sun peeked out to greet the town and cast the tops of the trees in soft light. Shane had, somewhere in the last decade, become less resistant to the valley’s natural beauty. He found he was more content when he allowed himself to be moved by it, so he settled down on the porch steps to watch.

“So you really thought you could sneak out without me noticing, huh?” Rose said.

“No. You just looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said, looking up at her. Then he laughed. “I thought I could do this without fucking it up so badly.” 

She nodded, knowing there was nothing more that needed to be said. Then she sat beside him so that their shoulders touched. His heart fluttered. Even after ten years, she still had this hold on him that he could never quite explain.

He turned to look at Rose. Rays of light danced across her face, and Shane realized that for him, love was always going to be the color of a sun rising. Of the morning light cutting through the darkness. He could never fully outrun the pain that lived in his heart, but he could love and be loved, and maybe that would be enough.

“Do I tell you I love you enough?” Shane said. “Because I do.”

“Don’t worry. I know,” Rose said and nudged him with her shoulder. She rested her head on his. “I love you too, Shane.”

“Back in the spring, you told me you were proud of me.” He rubbed a hand over his jaw. “But…I think it’s different. I think I’m proud of us.”

Rose wrapped her hand around his arm and looked up at him with a smile. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “We’ve been through a lot together, haven’t we?”

He smiled back. “Yeah. We have.”

Soon, Shane realized, it would be time for Rose to start tending to her fields of crops and for him to feed the animals. Their life would move forward, into a new day where the dawn would find him—and as long as he had Rose by his side, love would find him too.


End file.
